Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Wishin' and Hopin'

Sometimes my life does not go as planned not that I plan it all the way but at times things just do not fall into place rather they fall apart. Then I ask myself What is that I want? Many a times I don't have answers. This time I do.

I have made some decisions in life. At times wishing that I had been a bit more careful with those and hoping that I will in future. I am getting my life back. Back together.
I have let go of some things in life. Let go of some emotions. Let go of some people who meant a lot to me, they still do but somewhere I have to draw the line as to what I want. I have given a lot of myself and my time to others. Now it's time for me. It's being selfish in a way but I have no choice. If I don't be selfish I won't be selfless. If I don't know what I want I won't no what to give.

Life as I say is always "amazing". Amazingly happy or amazingly frustrating. I still love my life. This is all I have. I might as well make the most of it. I will not know when it might desert me. Unpredictability is life's innate nature. You gladly go along living your life and suddenly you no longer live it. Others do. You need to break away for some time. I need to do the same.

I have never given up on things except vile alcohol! I haven't given up on life. Never will. There sure are I-don't-wanna-live times but I just laugh at my foolishness and chide myself for being a pessimist!! And I begin from scratch and work my way up. I am my own anchor. People are there but I know best. I make the choice. I decide. It's my life.

So here's wishing and hoping for better days to come. Wishing and hoping that I will "live" my life once again.

Friday, April 22, 2005


TIME (less) LIFE!!

Gosh! I just don't find the time for things I really like doing nowadays. Irritating people also takes a backseat!! So much for getting a PR job!! I don't like the job per se but I am darn good at it!!

Some one please explain to me why do we land up in places where we don't want to be but still appear as if that is the best thing that ever happened???!!!??

There is no way I will be working there forever. Beggars can't be choosers. So I have to shut up and enjoy what I hate doing! I am counting on time and luck to bail me out ASAP.

There are some things I still want to do. Top 10:

1. Learn to ride a bicycle. Bikes will have to wait. {Stop jeering you heartless humans}

2. Learn swimming.

3. Find time to practice guitar.

4. Write more in Hindi and yes to start a Hindi blog. Lot of much-much in that though.

5. I have become an all-'rounder'. Have to shed the extra lard!

6. Try to understand how my computer works. Too scared to blow up 38 grand by putting the wire in the wrong place!!

7. Damn! I do have to be friendly with Karl Marx and remind myself that I am not a graduate yet!!

8. Spend some time with the kids at Akanksha and Shishu Bhavan.

9. Get a drivers license. I know how to drive but can't because of no legal paperwork! And oh yeah no gaadi but friends are always there. I love you all. Muah
10. Last but not the least: Go out with a guy who is younger than me!!! Hehehe.

That completes the list for the time being. Will be back with some more in due time. Dissatisfied human that I am.

Hopefully I should at least be done with some things on the list!! Guess which one will be crossed out first!!??!!



There is not a thing you can do about it. Jokes do not help. Fuck sympathy. SHUT UP. Yes that is the best thing you can do.

Never held grudges. Never will. My anger is enough! What do you and the goddamn world know about me? Zilch.

Life get away from me!! I am sick of you and the miseries you bring along. Happiness is playing Judas with me for a long time. Time shall pay all of you.

My sole companion is my anger. I like his company. Better than great expectations, false promises and other sentimentalities. All of you make me sick.

Anger let's me be. Let's me be ME.

Hope, what do you care? Why are you even there beside me? You are an unwelcome guest just like the others. Don't expect anything from me. Anger is what you shall get.

Dreams I bid you goodbye long time ago. Why did you'll return? Don't mess with me. You won't like what's in store for you.

Trust I don't want to see your face ever again! I mean it. My scornful words will be the last you will ever hear. I spell your doom.

I will feel good to introduce you all to Anger. Best way to keep you all away from me.

I have left you all for Anger. No remorse. No looking back.

St. Anger round my neck
St. Anger round my neck
He never gets respect
St. Anger round my neck
Fuck it all and no regrets
I hit the lights on these dark sets
I need a voice to let myself
To let myself go free
Fuck it all and fuck regrets
I hit the lights on these dark sets
Medallion noose I hang myself
St. Anger round my neck
I feel my world shake
I can't look away
Hard to see clear
Is it me Or is it fear?
I'm madly in anger with you
I want my anger to be healthy
I want my anger just for me
I need my anger not to control
want my anger to be me
I need to set my anger free
I need to set my anger free
Set it free!

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