OBSCURE REALITIES

Me Leaving

2006-02-05T01:10:00.000-08:00

Bored of this blog!!! Have started a different one. will post the link later. As i said before I get bored easily.....

See you guys on a different space. Ciao. Muah.Hugs.....

Doedoe....(last time I use this name...)

Crawling Back to You.....

2006-01-03T03:50:00.000-08:00

I know we haven't been good friends for some time. I know I have an ego roblem. But just this once I pretend that I don't have ego issues. (Diplomatic na?) What to do? I am like that only. We have been together so long that you know me too well.

I know I can be a bitch at times but so do you. We both are at fault. Why not just accept are mistakes and make a fresh start. We owe each other a lot. Don't you think? Let's make the best use of time that we have together. Both of us are aware that we are not going to be around each other for very long. Now is the time that we can spend together. What say you?

I know you are pissed off at me but I know you can't be angry with me for long. As I say I am a nice girl. Accha Baccha. You know it too. Come on cut me some slack. I am not that bad. I need you.

I am making an effort to get back to you. I hope you feel the same way. Life, I am coming back to you...

HOHOHO...... Phbbttppbb!!!

2005-12-27T02:31:00.000-08:00

'Tis the season to....yawn, cuddle up in a warm blanket like a small baby and go off to sleep with dreams of chocolate houses and lots of goodies to eat. Sigh! That will just remain a dream. What the heck as long as I enjoy the dream.

First and foremost season's greetings to everyone. God bless you all and may the devil be your best friend!!

Christmas this year around was a quite celebration. Papa is down with jaundice. So there are three kids to be looked after, in the house. I pity my mom. Virar as you all know is a "gaon" according to many people. So electricity.... oh well... you know comes and goes whenever it feels like.

So here is my family sitting and talking... the lights go off around 5 in the evening or so. That means no bijli for a good 2.5 hrs. So what do we do? Light the candles and sing carols. My family absolutely does not have a gift of a melodious voice. So here we are singing carols with gusto but definitley "offkey". Who cares?!!?? Well on second thoughts the neighbors!! Hehehe. Merry christmas to them too.

But whatever the case maybe. I thoroughly enjoyed this christmas. Not going to church also added to my bliss. My church is 55kms fars from where I stay, so if I had gone for a midnight mass I definitely wolud have reached home in the morning!!

After ages I sat with my family and hada good talk. Drat! I miss those times where we all would sit together and do total time pass. Well, never mind I still love my family.We do have our rough patches but the four of us are still there for one another. Don't worry if I have an argument with them I sure will go berserk but I know they are still going to be there no matter what.

P.S: Coming up in some time a post about what I feel about my blog buddies. Bitchy and all.... and more. My two dearfriends are going to bitch about me on my own blog!! Varun and Debu. I will remember next time not to write my passwords on papers. But then how do I remember the?!!?? Never mind.

HOHUM!!

2005-12-20T11:15:00.000-08:00

I cannot stand the same old monotony of life. Be it the blog template or a guy or food. Variety is the spice of life. So let me just add that ingredient to my life. High time. I am in love. It's great the way it is. I am not telling. Suits me. So let it be.....

No regrets...They don't hurt.

P.S: Someone has to help me with my blog template. Andy could you? lemme know.

Crossed Off !!

2005-11-29T23:44:00.000-08:00

Things already done/ accomplished:
1. Made time for practicing guitar
2. Spent time with the kids from Akanksha and Shishu Bhavan and came up with an awesome play. God bless these angels.
3. Lost weight! Not a big deal I will gain it back because I am born to eat! Who cares? Not me atleast.
4. Got two part time jobs which help me a lot "financially"!! Yippee! I enjoy the work also. I love PR now and I always liked doing keedas with cellphones. Can't ask for anything more. Ok I can actually, but all that will have to wait. *wink* *wink*
5. Last but not the least went out with a guy who is younger to me. Yeah baby!

Things I want to do/accomplish:
1. Be a first class graduate.
2. Learn to ride a bicycle. Anyone who reads this who has a bicycle and the time to teach please contact me. P-L-E-A-S-E
.3. Learn swimming.
4. Start a Hindi blog. After internet arrives at my place. Some months for this one to be struck off the list.
5. Get a driver's licence.
6. Learn Jiving properly and not trip and stamp my partners feet!!

Man! I actually managed to strike off some stuff from my "to do" list!! YaaY!! I like setting short term goals keeping the bigger picture in mind and almost always I manage to get what I want and where I want to be.

P.S1: I have a huge crush on him!!! He is just so funny and cute! What to do??!!??? Also, I have a crush on her. She is so darn pretty and beautiful !! What to do??!!?? No haraami suggestions please. Help your dear friend out. A place in hell is assured for the one who comes up with the best solution possible!! I care. Trust me ;-)

P.S 2: Who all think that my blog remins you of a condom advertisement??!?? Viggy, Varun and Silver Money you guys keep your goddamn mouths shut!!! Perverts! Finally "some reason" to change the template again :-
P.S 3: On a thoughtful note:
When we were kids, we could not wait to grow up and fall in love...
Now that we are grown up we realise that wounded knees are easier to heal
than broken hearts....

The Sweetest Thing

2005-11-01T05:37:00.000-08:00

She can't dance for nuts. He grooves really well. She is not very senti. He is the epitome of sentimentalities. Thus very impractical! She is average when it comes to cooking. He could have been a chef for all you know!

She gets impatient when it comes to food and a full bladder! He has patience embedded in his soul. Man! He can wait for an eternity! (No bladder related situations though!). She talks, talks, talks... yeah it never ends. He talks and he listens too. A good listener he is. She listens but then...talks...!!!

She can't figure out why on earth computers are so complicated or rather the language in which the instructions are written! Computers are his passion and so is classical music. She can't sing at all, forget humming. His voice is melodious.

They are very good friends. But he is in love with her. Been a long time. She knows it. She doesn't know what to do. She won't lie to him that's for sure. He just waits for an answer.
She lives one day at a time and is learning to trust after someone shattered her faith. He is the optimistic kinds. He is capable of facing both the good and bad times with ease. So what does he do? He waits. She calls him stupid but he doesn't give a damn. Time will tell.

Fried pomfret with a dash of martini never tasted better. Ofcourse he fried the fish. She just poured the martini. (people do crazy stuff when they are drunk!) They are not poles apart but opposites complementing one another. Both know that. She keeps reminding about how absent minded he is but he dutifully forgets! Reasons are obvious.

You know what is the sweetest about these two friends ? They never compromise on their friendship. He loves her. She adores him. There are no secrets between them. Just complete trust and honesty. He knows that she won't be in his life for long. She knows that he is going to be there for her no matter what. He knows that she sucks when it comes to keeping in touch. She knows he will always keep in contact.

Sometimes life gets you closer to each other but sometimes you get so close that you fall apart. Both of them are an exception to this. Touchwood!

P.S: One thing life has taught them is that you don't have to give up on friendship if you understand that friends change. Let's see what life has in store for these two.

AAAARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

2005-10-11T05:19:00.000-07:00

For the umpteenth time it is "Ballroom Dancing" and NOT "BALL DANCING"!!!

Accountable

2005-09-18T00:47:00.000-07:00

Participating in dramatics and plays was part and parcel of my school and college days. Played the part of a "bhikaari" thrice and always got an encore. Real life is pretty much like that now, I will make sure encores don't happen! I loved to be on stage. I still do but now I find being backstage more interesting, simply because there is more to learn and find the nitty-gritties involved in making of a play.

I am incharge of a play for a group of street kids. Well, I thought my responsibility was restricted to costumes and the sets. Now I find mysef doing work regarding PR and hold your breath "Accounts"!!! Damn! Showing my marksheets that proved that I suck at maths didn't change the manager's mind. Hope he doesn't regret his decision once the money goes missing!!

So, dutifully at the end of the day I sit with my trusted calculator and loads of bills and lots of paper to jot down the expenses. All alone. *Sob* and shitscared what if something goes wrong??!!?? Meri toh hai! Well, I have always proved myself under pressure. This time hopefully too I won't let myself down. Prayers for me should be strictly addressed to The Almighty only!

Working with kids is a lot of fun and you sure as hell need loads of patience. Some kids are like angels and others are well, just like me- absolutely irritating. Gosh! Now I know why my parents treat me the way they do. What the hell, I still like being myself.

Some kids are nervous to no end being onstage. My wallet has become lighter by a couple of 100 bucs just to buy these angelic wrecks sweets so that they don't get jittery. No regrets.

Hope this play is a success. I have met some new people with similar interests as mine. I am always learning and for a change I am enjoying this thoroughly. The topping by far are the kids. I absolutely adore them. Why do they have to grow up? Calvin and Hermione... oh well... Never mind.

P.S: I have always felt that if everyone of us does something in our own little way to help each other the world would be a better place. That also reminds me that if everyone did their own work my world would be sooo much better!

Real Reveries

2005-09-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

Rising above everything and everyone around me is what I dream about almost always. I love the feeling of staying afloat on the sea and watching the shore of a moonlit beach which is dark and yet so bright. The night zephyr leaves me with an exhilarated calmness. The stars make a good backdrop while the palm trees try to hide their flickering light. It is beautiful.

I make my own realities but dreams are something that I have no control over.Dreams are so real. The real world does not have that genuineness that my dream world holds. I am not an idealistic person by nature but my oneiric world is complete with grandeur and realism does not find a niche anywhere in it. Well, being idealistic pays I guess! Deprivation of sleep and loss of time are some of the side effects. But you make up for it when your dreams are realised.

I know someday my dream will come true. I need to personify that dream of mine on my own. And guess what? I know I will get there. I have walked enough in others recourse. It's time to walk on the road that I have chosen, pavements make me claustrophobic. Life has made me more resilient than before. Strong people have their weak times and I am no exception. I have always seen myself as independent and unconventional and yeah a "rebel". So why should I shut up now when now is the time to set myself free and embark on a journey that has long been awaited. I will always describe myself as a traveller. My "dream" destination is not far off... And I will reach it in some time just to embark on another odyssey...

.....I know nobody knows
where it comes and where it goes
I know it's ev'rybody's sin;
You got to lose to know how to win.....
Dream on....dream until your dream comes true....

No Goodbyes

2005-09-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

I cannot thank you enough for being there when I needed an anchor. You are one of the very few friends that I have who know me well enough to not believe the "I-am-my-own-anchor" crap that I dole out whenever I am down in the dumps.(by the way it's not all crap)

I have known you for quite sometime now. I know you are a darn good techie and the most careless and absentminded person I've ever ever EVER met! (Remember Joe Satriani!).
There are things I wanted to tell you but couldn't. I guess this is the best way I can. I won't get senti and all that jazz.

Otherwise... you suck at telling a joke. Wallets are suppose to carry some money and mobile phones are suppose to be with you and not left in autorickshaws!! Gosh! How will you survive there alone??!!??

You are supposed to drive above 35kms on the Pune expressway!! Useless! Don't forget to get yourself a maid when you get there.*wink* *wink* (Hope you know what do 2 winks mean!
First guy I've come across who has an entire collection of Superman Comics. You wish so hard, don't you?!!?? Hehehe.

Last but not the least you matter a lot to me and oh yeah I care about you and I am sure gonna miss ya and blah blah blah... Take care dimwit.

P.S: This was sent to me by a dear friend. This goes for you too....
We may go our separate ways,
live different lives,
do different things,
believe in different aspects,
but as long as we believe we are friends,
we will forever be.

love and laughter always....

P.S: I know I am posting this late.

Resurrection

2005-08-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

I had missed you all this while. Finally you are there beside me. There were so many times when I needed to hear your voice because I knew that was the only thing possible at that moment of time. I wanted much more than that. Needed you near me. With me. But destiny has a way with life. Always surprising our expectations and letting them down. Then we don't know whom to blame. Do we? But then again we make our own destinies.

All that does not matter now. You are here with me. We still have our dreams and hopes. You understand me enough. You know me for who I am and not for who I pretend to be. I do not know how you do it or am I just transparent? I am not complaining.

Time changes everything. But there are moments that time can never erase. Moments that will remain forever unscathed and untouched. Has anyone ever been able to change the past? …

I don't have reasons for what my heart feels. Nor any explanation for the same. Hasn't altered. Doubt whether it will. The world was never my refuge. Isolation was my fortress.Now, I love my world because you are a part of it. Company is what I crave. My existence holds ground.

I don't want this to end but life knows better. We know better. No, it is not at all complicated. This is how it works. This is the only way it works. This is how it ends... This is how it begins...

The start of a journey with memories as friends. Unforsaken friends who will part ways as my memory ceases. As I cease to be. As everything ceases to be how once it was.... But time and again hope befriends me and I wait as I always have...

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

To Be or Not To Be

2005-08-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

My life is so full of unpredictabilities and contradictions that hypocrisy then becomes a natural trait. I seem to befriend change every now and then and sometimes I force myself to elude it but it always catches up with me. Drat! So much for escapism!

Adaptability always gets a late welcome though. For the simple reason that I am not ready to give up some things in my life no matter how rooted they are in the past but I know there is no future in being held down by memories and it's a precious waste of the present.So I do what I can to go on...I manage. I adapt. I give up.

Many a times I am caught between what I am and what I want to be. As of now I have no clue whatsoever where my life is heading. How does stuck in a rut sound? Some months and I will know what I want. As for what I am: numb, hurt, stubborn, ignorant, depressed and determined describe me the best right now. Don't worry it will change back to: funny, irritating, talkative etc... in some time. I don't know how much that "some time" is going to be though.

Friends are there. Thank God for them. Strange life I lead, always been betrayed by those whom I know and trust. Always rescued by people whom I don't know and don't bother to know as long as I am rescued. Selfish. Suits me. Hope it doesn't hurt them. I am my own destroyer. I am my own redeemer. Blame does not even come into the picture. Unforgiveness builds upon strong grudges. It pays up in the end. Again no worries. I move on.

To be what others want me to be has never ever materialised. Egoistic and me? Nah. What I want to be is still incomprehensible to me. Well my dear old friend will let me know. Time has not walked out on me as yet. I feel that this continuum has held me down and I know it will set me free too.

P.S: I guess the title of this post is not apt. Couldn't come up with something else. Words just freeze sometimes. Never mind.

Did You Hear.....?

2005-07-31T08:40:00.000-07:00

The rain gods wrecked havoc on our Shelter some days back. Well that is old news. Life goes on. People lost their lives. Nature gives. Nature takes away. We still don't learn. Imbecile humans.

Politicians passing the buck. Have to say that is the best job that they do. That is not the reason that compelled me to write this. What about those people who couldn't resist to add fuel to the raging fires of destruction by just spreading what they do best "rumors"? (Talk about this being the rainy season!)

If wading through neck deep water wasn't enough these good-for-nothing beings had to make matters worse for the already harassed and tired common man. What were they thinking... to reduce the number of humans existing in Mumbai by spreading gossip?!!? No gender game this if you cared to read the papers.

Nature is anyway pissed off at us but who gave them the right to ruin and take lives of people? Couldn't they just shut up and show a bit of concern and help those in distress rather than creating situations of panic? I bet they must have missed all the action sitting at home and doing nothing!

I cannot fathom what sick pleasure they get out of creating havoc. Damn! Our judicial system also cannot do justice by giving them the punishment fit for such careless and unruly behavior. Bail is good. Oops! I forgot that goes for murders, thefts, rapes and yeah bomb blasts even. How darn forgetful of me. My mistake.

Hope these people are put behind bars for a good amount of time or best in a flooded area to fend for themselves!! My creativity for suggesting punishments ends here. What do you guys think?

P.S: By the way I have to learn swimming. Come on, I am only 5ft (I guess). 10ft of water definitely requires a person to stay afloat.

Rip Off

2005-07-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the talk the other day. As usual I suck at telling what I feel. So here I am being lazy and ripping something off the net that caught my eye that best describes what I am feeling right now. Wow! Copy-pasting is fun at times!!

Don't care so much for me, I may get used to it.

Don't come so near to me, I may not be able to detach from it.

Don't put so much faith in me, I may not be able to handle it.

Don't become a part of my life, Coz without u, I won t be able to live it.

Don't make me fall for u, I may not be able to fall out of it.

Don't come into my life, If u have to leave one day.

Don't give me the hope, That it's forever u r gonna stay.
Coz love is an emotion I won't be able to hide,
When love isn't reciprocated with love, It hurts deep down inside.

Don't make me believe That u can be more than a friend.
Coz at the end of it all, I don't wanna hear u say, That, I'm sorry, but I never felt the same way...

P.S: I don't believe in love anymore nor in trust. I know you will disagree. I know you won't give up and I know I won't give in.

2005-07-15T00:28:00.000-07:00

You fear what you don't understand...

Batman Begins.

Forgot to Remember

2005-07-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

Conversation I had with a friend of mine at midnight on June 30th:My cellphone shows some unrecognisable number. I take the call unwillingly.

Me: Hello?
Friend: Moreeesha?
ME: Ya. (ignoring the mispronunciation of my name)
Friend: Guess who?
Me:(yawning) I dunno
Friend: Guess na (they just don't give up, do they?!!??)
Me: Some asshole who is ruining my sleep!
Friend: Heheheh (still oblivious to my discomfort)
Friend: Haaaaapppyy Birrrthday Toooo Youuuu....
Me: Kaun M*D*RCH*D hai?!?? (now I am really pissed off)
Friend: (finally realising he has disturbed me).This is...the-one-who-disturbed-your-sleep!! I just wanted to wish you.
Me: Thanks dost but get the date right next time. ( I hang up)

Saala, getting up at 4.30 every morning is not a joke yaar especially if you stay 60kms away from your godforsaken college! Don't worry we still are friends, so what if I swore at him? He deserved it. Next time he shall remember(hopefully).

P.S: Thanks a lot guys you made my day: varun, debu, dash, it's smokin, suri, wanz, erica, nikhil, will, doc, amma, amit, big daddy, andy, bbc, russ, viggy, alak, dee, dayan, cinty, lucifer, jim, t1, t2, shail, vivek, shark fin, carl, bawa and sid. Love and hugs. Muah.

Thanks also to some forgetful buddies of mine who wished me way past my birthday. Why do I feel that there are some other m*th*rf*ck*rs and haraamkhors who will dutifully call me up on 20th of July??!!?? Please bear with the gaalis that I will shower upon you'll. (I am very generous with those!!) Somethings don't or rather REFUSE to change!

YEAH BABY!

2005-06-17T03:49:00.000-07:00

I have been in a baby mood for quite some time now. The kid in me is desperately trying to show her mischievous side! I want to irritate people, play pranks and what not. (Never underestimate a kid's imagination!)

When I am in a kid mode I just want to be free and not doing anything but doing a lot of things at the same time. I like to stuff myself with ice-cream and lots of chocolates. (hey I do that otherwise also) Me piggy. Me love food, what to do?

I want to become a birdie and fly away and poop on people who piss me off! Me want to dance all day and play in the rain. Me want to watch Winnie the Pooh and me wish that Calvin would be my friend and Hobbes my care taker.

Baby Doedoe's Day:

Get up and then go back to sleep

Get up again and run around the house while brushing my teeth(I still do that)

Eat breakfast. If I don't like what I am eating, take it out from my mouth and put it right back on the plate!

Then go find Chandamama, Tinkle and Chacha Chaudhary to read

Go sliding on mirror finish tiles. Whhheeeeeeeeee. Never walk. Always sprinting, sliding or crawling. Never walk.And ya in my case always tripping!

Go in the garden and catch butterflies

Go fly a kite

Play all day with my friends and tickle them to no end!(That hasn't changed)

Sing Peelo by Outlandish the whole day

Come back for lunch and take a catnap

Evening calls for some more games and irritating parents or anyone who comes close to spoiling my baby's day out! Making funny/strange faces while welcoming guests. (I am so tempted to do it even now)

Get myself a puppy and call it my Best Friend for life. Two cute souls always get along!

Go on the terrace and talk with the stars and moon...

Yawn and go to sleep under the starlit sky only to wake up and kill mosquitoes and then rubbing my eyes go downstairs and climb in my bed and go to sleep dreaming about another day. My day.

Dil hai chota sa choti si asha...

Sing Along

2005-06-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

Top 5 OSTs:
1.Iris by GooGoo Dolls:City of Angels
2.Time of My life:Dirty Dancing
3.Cruisin:I forgot but Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis have sung this song.
4.How do I Live Without You:Con Air
5.Hakuna Matata:Lion King

Metallica TOP 5:Enter Sandman, Master of Puppets, Turn the Page, Sweet Amber, St.Anger(only 5 is sheer injustice)

Eagles Top 5: Love will keep us alive, Tequila Sunrise, Hotel California, Desperado, Learn to Be Still

Cold Play Top 5: The Scientist, Trouble, Yellow, In my place, Shiver

Pink Floyd Top 5: On the Turning Away, Another Brick in The Wall, Comfortably Numb, Wish You were Here, Poles Apart

Pantera Top 5: 13 Steps to Nowhere, Cowboys from Hell (viggy!!), I'm Broken, 25 Years, Goddamn Electric

Saala I have more Rock Bands to write about. *Sigh* I will write about rock in a whole new post. Let's write about Hindi favs now: No Top 5 limit in this one:
1.Hemant Kumar:Tum Pukar Lo, Na Tum Hamen Jaano, Jaane woh kaise log the (My life is so like this!!)

2.Kishore Kumar is GOD. Top 5:Tere Bina Zindagi, Badi Sooni Sooni Hai, Mere Mehboob Qayamat Hogi, O Saathi Re, Apni to Jaise Taise. He is one of the very few singers whose singing style was versatile.

3.Tere Bina.Ghar:Rekha and Vinod Mehra film
4.Ajeeb Dastaan:How to play this song on keyboard, I got that in a dream!I can play it too!
5.Hai apna Dil to Aawaara
6.Kahin Door Jab Din Dhal Jaaye.OST:Anand
7.Lag Ja Gale Se.
8.Gazab Ka Hai Din:Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak (I just love this song)
9.Choti Si Asha:Roja (this is one of the songs that best describes me)
10.Hoshwalon Ko Khabar Kya:Jagjit Singh

I still have so many songs to write about. No Fair!
Top 5 Random Songs playin in my head right now:1.Missing:Everything but the girl
2.Peelo:Outlandish
3.I like big butts and I can't deny(it's a song!) Watch Friends if you don't believe me!
4.I'm a Believer.OST:Shrek
5.Come Undone:Duran Duran (This is one song that turns me on!)

DONE-DONA-DUN-DONE!!!

P.S: This is the last chain!!! I will consider books though.

Friends Forever

2005-06-02T02:17:00.000-07:00

I hardly ever used to keep in touch with people. People who meant a lot to me. People who I call my friends. It was the fear of losing them that kept me at a distance. When I lost you I lost that fear...

I realized how stupid I was. I realized how selfish I had been to you and to our lives. We could have enjoyed every day a lot more if only I had been more willing to open up to the fact that we all live only once.

It's been three lonely years without you. No one can replace you. You were always there with me and all of a sudden everything was different. I lost you. All the times we spent together can only be kept in my memory and I can no longer share them with you and laugh and cry about them as we once used to...three years back... It hurts so much...

Every time when the fateful day approaches I tell myself it's over. It was the past. You know what the hard part is...the past is something that we hold onto all our lives. The past is eternally clear because we understand it more as a whole than the present which is so full of mayhem that it keeps escaping are comprehension.

I have a lot of acquaintances. People who I sometimes hang out with but not share my deepest thoughts with. Friends are few. You were... you are one of them. I still remember the time I used to beat you in a game of badminton and you used to get back at me by beating me at chess. Then we used to head to the Rang Bhavan canteen. I remember the times when we used to sit hours on end at the hostel steps after our lectures. You were my I-Rock partner. I recall the times when we used give each other advice on love. I miss all those times. I miss the senseless fights that we used to have. I miss you friend. College is different without you. You were one of the few friends I made in Xavier's.

When I first met you I thought you were an egoistical bastard! Only to find out that you were shy! I had assumed that guys are supposed to be the opposite of that. Almost everyday I used to meet you only to know that I no longer could...

Nothing prepares you for death. Nothing. I just hope and pray that you are happy where ever you are.

If you were here right now... I can only imagine what all you would have said. First the gaalis and then a hug and then how profs can be a pain and all that jazz... Only "if" you were here right now...

Sometimes I feel that it’s good that you aren't there to see all the misery and sometimes I wish that you'd be around to see all the happiness. I can only wish... Nothing can fill the void. Losing you is like losing a part of me. I can only live with the emptiness.

It hurts that people come and go but I somehow manage. But when they go away forever not to return it shatters me. Life goes on.... I tell myself. Yes it does go on... without you...without the people whom you care about and love...

They say time heals all wounds but what do you do when time causes them to hurt even more with each passing day?

My life has changed immensely. I have too. You'd be surprised. Hey I have lost weight! There are a million things that I have to tell you. Guess I will some day...

K.F: 18/07/1982 - 02/06/2002

Movie Mania: Part 1

2005-05-27T02:31:00.000-07:00

All thanks to Reiya I am here completing the so-called "chain". I LOVE MOVIES!! Me very choosy about films. I am kinda allergic to Bollywood. For me going for a Hindi film is like dying!! I don't get company to go because I just can't stop passing comments and giggling when all are crying in the film and around me!! Let's see which are my all time favorites:

Lilo and Stitch: I feel like Stitch all the time. Not belonging anywhere. I am cute too.

Beaches: This is my all time favorite movie starring Bette Midler. Gets me all mushy. All about friends.

Sound of Music: Do I really have to say anything about this?? A gem of a movie. The song "My Favorite Things" is close to my heart.

Top Gun: AWESOME. I love the TOP GUN Anthem. Ya and drool over Tom Cruise. That was then. Now I have a whole list!! Ahem! Will write about that some other time.

Forrest Gump: Tom Hanks is a real good actor. The movie is thought provoking. Can't forget the scene where he runs till his crutches come off.

You Have Got Mail: A very good romantic movie where the "mush" factor is not overdone. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is: When they both set out for their jobs in the morning almost bumping into each other. The song by Cranberries: "Dreams" plays in the background.

The Matrix/ Animatrix: IT RULES!! Do you know there are people who still haven't understood what the movie is all about??? Trust me there are a lot of them! I read that in the papers.

Finding Nemo: Reminds me of the goldfish I once possessed! Sigh! And the Turtles. Sigh!

Step Mom: Great compatibility onscreen between Julia and Susan. The memorable scene is where Susan's daughter comes to know about her mom's illness and cannot take in the news and walks away. Her dad stops her and warns her to not walk out on her mom like that to which she replies: Walking out is your job dad, not mine.

Patch Adams: Robbie Williams is so good with comedy as well as serious roles. Good balance. The scene where the doctors are invited for a conference only to be walking through doors shaped in a woman's legs that are spread out wide and where the doors become uhmm...the vagina! Certainly unforgettable and hilarious!!

Life is Beautiful: A very good movie that makes you laugh and cry at the same time. I can only wonder with grief what was the real nazi regime like.

Equilibrium: I definitely have the hots for Christian Bale! I have always wanted to see a movie where romantic baloney is absent. This comes close. Still looking out for a movie like that.

Gone in 60 Seconds: GOOD MOVIE! The scene where Cage literally drives his ford mustang mid-air and lands on the other side!! Kya stunt hai man!!

Love Hina: The first anime I saw. I loved it!

The Newsies: Here Christian Bale was a baccha. A Classic. A must have.

Sleepers: This movie is about a bunch of friends who are taken to a juvenile home because they accidentally kill a man. The jail wardens sexually abuse all of them. Very crude and very emotional. It stars: Kevin Bacon, Brad Pitt, Dustin Hoffman, Robert De Niro, Jason Patrick and Minnie Driver.

About how many cds I own uhmm..well...( doedoe gets amnesia!) Last movie I saw was... Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi: Good music. Grim Movie.

This is a huge list!!! Will continue later.... Bollywood will follow suit in the next one... Well I don't have many blogger pals to continue the chain but whoever reads this please do write about it...

A Moonlit Night

2005-05-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

I have always been awestruck by the moon. I love the moon in its crescent beauty and even more in its full splendor.

Being with you on the terrace, on that moonlit night was simply amazing. The summer breeze was having a calming effect on my tense nerves but your presence was making the wind's efforts futile.

Everyone knows that I have a hard time keeping a straight face when I am nervous. That day was no different. I know you sensed my uneasiness. I was glad that you pretended not to notice but I was at the same time miffed about it. (What's with women and sending out mixed signals??!!??). I don't know either!

I was oblivious to the presence of others around us. I must have looked like a fool staring at you shamelessly. Well, I couldn’t care less. Friends complimented me for dressing up. I was flattered no doubt but the heels were killing me! OUCH!!

To make matters worse I was having a tough time walking! Clumsy foot that I am. I was tripping all over the place and I wasn't even drunk! You were enjoying every second of my miserable and painful nightmare! You weren't laughing but your eyes gave you away.

Slow music became a part of the moonlit summer night. You asked me for a dance and I said yes before you could even finish! What was I thinking?!?You led me to the dance floor. I tripped again. You let it pass. Ignorance was blissful for you that day. Wasn't it? You have no idea that I had practiced dancing a whole week before, so that I could be at my best for this occasion. But here I was making a complete mess of things.

Looking at you, I felt a plethora of emotions. Happy because I was with you. Excited because I was eagerly waiting for this evening. Embarrassed because I didn't know that I am going to be such a disaster.

We were both together; we were both alone amidst people. You held my hand and I couldn't let go. I was waiting for this moment for a long time. It was perfect. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

We didn't have to say what we felt. We both knew. We both understood.

That moonlit night will always hold a special place in my heart. One of life’s beautiful moments that I always want to hold onto. Sometimes I cease to recall but my memory only takes me back in time and makes me revisit that night which has remained untouched, unchanged and unharmed and I know I will treasure it forever...

SATCH RULES!!!

2005-05-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

YYYIIIIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Me went for JOE SATRIANI. FOR FREE!! NOW I LOVE MY PR JOB. Had a change of heart. Who wouldn't if you get free entry? The tickets otherwise were highly priced. C’mon 1000-2000 Rupees!!

But I missed the start of the show!! I was under the impression that some band will headline the concert. My boss knew that I am a Satch fan so he dutifully kept my team back!! Enough was enough. The good PR person that I am, I persuaded him to let us go. It worked!!

Well some of my friends couldn’t make it to the show. Better luck next time Varun, Dash, It’s Smoking, Russ, Andy and BB.
Viggi finally made it to the concert. Viggi's funda to get tickets: Get me 2000 worth ka ticket and I will pay you 500 bucs. Smart na??? Useless. I agree my math sucks but I ain’t that stupid.

The concert was good. The sound system was not all that happening though. There were some idiots in front who did not know who was the "takla" playing!! @#@! #@#$#% Why do they even come to the show?? The worst part is they too had got free entry!! And my friends couldn't make it. Not Fair!! Later I managed to get some of my friends in with my “PR influence”. All the while I was feeling sorry for my good friend Vignesh Prabhu. I know what it feels like to be right at the end and watch a show! Tsktsk!! Viggi do you remember Channel [V]??

For me it was a lot of phone calls happening. Some were related with work others were my very good dost-log calling up and swearing at me!!! Maine Kya Kiya???? Hrmpffhh. One of my friends Debu, lost his 2000 Rs. ka pass!! M*D**C***!!! He had to make do with 500 bucs worth ka pass. Careless Fool!! He hadn’t refilled his cell so I couldn’t even let him know that he could have got free entry. IDIOT.

Some "chicks" had also made it to the concert with their hardly-there attire and high-heeled shoes.
1st "chick": Hey is that a guitar that fellow is playing?!!!??? Gosh!!! Someone please kill me!! Shail, my good friend nearly convinced her that it was an “electric mandolin”!!!

2nd "chick": My feet are hurting!! HEHEHEH. Kisne bola tha 4-foot ka heel shoes wear karne ko!! And to top it all off she said that the organizers should at least provide them with chairs!!! Haila!! What did she think?!!!? She definitely wasn’t there for a ghazal night!! Dimwit!

Best were some other guys’ ka remarks. They had no idea who was Joe Satriani. Forget the Music. One guy remarked: Sirf baja raha hai. Kuch gana kyon nahi gaa raha hai!! #$@%#^$&. I could only say DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Satch was GREAT!! Man it's gonna take me a lifetime to play like him!! The Jimi Hendrix influence clearly showed in his performance. Wish I were born during that time.

I got a chance to meet him backstage but the meeting was trying my patience… I had to pee ssssooooooo badly!! Weak bladder!! Damn! My friends were getting his autograph during which I was desperately searching for a loo!! Finally found one, only it had a long queue!!! Aaarrgghhh! By the time I had relieved myself; Satch had made an exit!!! Naahhhhhhiiii!!

But on the whole it was an event filled evening. It was my first free concert!! YEAH BABY!! All thanks to me!! Of course I didn’t know till Flow told me about it! Thanks man. I better keep myself informed next time round.

Satch played some good numbers from his various albums. My favorites that Satch played were: Friends, Summer Song, Psycho Monkey and Flying in a Blue Dream. AWESOME! What control the guy has. He didn’t skip a note. So much to learn from him.

Next time I will try to make it on time for a concert!!

P.S: This post is dedicated to my friend/s who tried for free entry and couldn’t make it!!! And others who couldn’t make it at all. Aren’t I the bestest friend ever??!!??

LESSONS IN TRAVEL

2005-05-09T07:31:00.000-07:00

I love to travel!!! Be it in a Virar local. So what?!? It takes immense hard work and sound presence of mind to get in a Virar train. Do try travelling by one someday!!

I have been to quite a number of places as a kid. The memories are crystal clear. Travelling was by train most of the times. One of life's gifts when your Dad happens to be working for the Railways!! Wish my mom worked for an airline!!

I have also travelled by buses which I truly and completely despise! No balance whatsoever. If you thought BEST was the WORST,then you surely need to rethink especially if you are travelling by a "state transport bus". URGH! Abominable creations of man!!

I have seen most of North India and the Western regions and parts of East India. The best are the hill stations any day!! And yes... Treks and hikes come a close second.

I am still waiting to discover what South India has to offer. I have a lot of friends who happen to be from there. You name it: Mallus, Tambrams, Mangis, Kannadigas and the likes... Why some of my relatives happen to be South Indians! Talk about National Integration- My family stands for it!! Will travel abroad someday considering I just got myself an Indonesian Bhabhi!! Did I just say "national integration"?!? Time for international relations to make their presence felt!!

Travelling has taught me a lot of things. Some of them are:

Patience: It is a must if there are delays of any kind!!

Survival Skills: When you packing for a trip a tiny thing like a safety pin can be really handy. You know what to carry and what not to carry as you travel more. An Mp3 is a better decision than carrying a minisuitcase of CD's!! You also learn to survive on a sandwich rather than a proper meal which makes your pocket lighter and your stomach heavier. A heavy meal is bad for long distance travel. You wouldn't want to spill the contents of your stomach on your fellow passenger. Would you?

Acceptance: You learn to accept people to be for who they are i.e different than you but are humans just the same.

Gyaan: Increases your knowledge and puts to rest any aforesaid assumptions or doubts. You cannot always believe what "others" say unless you find out the truth on your own, be it regarding customs, traditions, food et al.

Appreciation: You learn to appreciate your life more and of course in my case, my Dad's job!! Still wishing my mother worked for an airline!!

Time Management and Utilisation: You learn to lighten up and just enjoy the time that you are given, exploring places. You learn to make the best use of your time.

Value for Money: For me train travel has been free but travelling besides that is where you need to keep in check your expenses!! People can tempt you when you visit a market place and can fleece you when you want to go from place A to place B.

Bonding: This according to Gappu also plays a vital part. It helps you bond/connect with yourself and the person, if you happen to be travelling with someone. In my words it is "introspection" with beautiful sceneries surrounding you. I prefer travelling alone.

Lingua Franca: Sure helps you to pick up the lingo and essential day to day words. In my case "gaalis". Hehehe.

Food: One of the many things that attract me to the place that I am visiting. Just like the people, their cuisine also differs. You should be willing to try out different foodstuff. In MP and Chattisgarh the tribals make a tangy chutney out of a specific breed of ants! Worth trying. Trust me!

NEWSFLASH: I WILL BE TRAVELLING FOR FREE BY TRAINS TILL THE DAY I GET MARRIED!!! GOD BLESS THE RAILWAYS!! MARRIAGE NOT ON THE CARDS FOR A GOOD TIME TO COME!!

Wishin' and Hopin'

2005-04-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my life does not go as planned not that I plan it all the way but at times things just do not fall into place rather they fall apart. Then I ask myself What is that I want? Many a times I don't have answers. This time I do.

I have made some decisions in life. At times wishing that I had been a bit more careful with those and hoping that I will in future. I am getting my life back. Back together.
I have let go of some things in life. Let go of some emotions. Let go of some people who meant a lot to me, they still do but somewhere I have to draw the line as to what I want. I have given a lot of myself and my time to others. Now it's time for me. It's being selfish in a way but I have no choice. If I don't be selfish I won't be selfless. If I don't know what I want I won't no what to give.

Life as I say is always "amazing". Amazingly happy or amazingly frustrating. I still love my life. This is all I have. I might as well make the most of it. I will not know when it might desert me. Unpredictability is life's innate nature. You gladly go along living your life and suddenly you no longer live it. Others do. You need to break away for some time. I need to do the same.

I have never given up on things except vile alcohol! I haven't given up on life. Never will. There sure are I-don't-wanna-live times but I just laugh at my foolishness and chide myself for being a pessimist!! And I begin from scratch and work my way up. I am my own anchor. People are there but I know best. I make the choice. I decide. It's my life.

So here's wishing and hoping for better days to come. Wishing and hoping that I will "live" my life once again.

TIME (less) LIFE!!

2005-04-22T02:42:00.000-07:00

Gosh! I just don't find the time for things I really like doing nowadays. Irritating people also takes a backseat!! So much for getting a PR job!! I don't like the job per se but I am darn good at it!!

Some one please explain to me why do we land up in places where we don't want to be but still appear as if that is the best thing that ever happened???!!!??

There is no way I will be working there forever. Beggars can't be choosers. So I have to shut up and enjoy what I hate doing! I am counting on time and luck to bail me out ASAP.

There are some things I still want to do. Top 10:

1. Learn to ride a bicycle. Bikes will have to wait. {Stop jeering you heartless humans}

2. Learn swimming.

3. Find time to practice guitar.

4. Write more in Hindi and yes to start a Hindi blog. Lot of much-much in that though.

5. I have become an all-'rounder'. Have to shed the extra lard!

6. Try to understand how my computer works. Too scared to blow up 38 grand by putting the wire in the wrong place!!

7. Damn! I do have to be friendly with Karl Marx and remind myself that I am not a graduate yet!!

8. Spend some time with the kids at Akanksha and Shishu Bhavan.

9. Get a drivers license. I know how to drive but can't because of no legal paperwork! And oh yeah no gaadi but friends are always there. I love you all. Muah
.
10. Last but not the least: Go out with a guy who is younger than me!!! Hehehe.

That completes the list for the time being. Will be back with some more in due time. Dissatisfied human that I am.

Hopefully I should at least be done with some things on the list!! Guess which one will be crossed out first!!??!!

ST. ANGER

2005-04-22T02:37:00.000-07:00

There is not a thing you can do about it. Jokes do not help. Fuck sympathy. SHUT UP. Yes that is the best thing you can do.

Never held grudges. Never will. My anger is enough! What do you and the goddamn world know about me? Zilch.

Life get away from me!! I am sick of you and the miseries you bring along. Happiness is playing Judas with me for a long time. Time shall pay all of you.

My sole companion is my anger. I like his company. Better than great expectations, false promises and other sentimentalities. All of you make me sick.

Anger let's me be. Let's me be ME.

Hope, what do you care? Why are you even there beside me? You are an unwelcome guest just like the others. Don't expect anything from me. Anger is what you shall get.

Dreams I bid you goodbye long time ago. Why did you'll return? Don't mess with me. You won't like what's in store for you.

Trust I don't want to see your face ever again! I mean it. My scornful words will be the last you will ever hear. I spell your doom.

I will feel good to introduce you all to Anger. Best way to keep you all away from me.

I have left you all for Anger. No remorse. No looking back.

St. Anger round my neck

He never gets respect

St. Anger round my neck
Fuck it all and no regrets

I hit the lights on these dark sets

I need a voice to let myself

To let myself go free

Fuck it all and fuck regrets

I hit the lights on these dark sets

Medallion noose I hang myself

St. Anger round my neck
I feel my world shake

I can't look away

Hard to see clear

Is it me Or is it fear?

I'm madly in anger with you
I want my anger to be healthy

I want my anger just for me

I need my anger not to control

want my anger to be me
I need to set my anger free

I need to set my anger free

Set it free!

The Only Constant

2005-03-15T07:16:00.000-08:00

Met up with a friend of mine some days ago. She was all smiles when I met her. Curious I asked, "What's new?" (I wish I hadn't!!!). Her face lost her smile after my fruitless attempts at guessing! Miffed she said,"Didn't you notice my new hairstyle?"

Since when did a trim amount to a 'change' of hairstyle? Of course I didn't tell her that. Rather replied, "Sorry. I was in my own world. But you look good!" That took care of it. Flattery can do wonders at times!! We or rather I unwillingly caught up on the latest gossip my dear friend had to offer. I bid adieu after a thoroughly precious waste of time.

I was getting late for an appointment with my doctor cum (G)astrologer. His predictions are purely based on my food intake. Boy! Is he right most of the times or what!!

I had to catch a rick to reach the clinic. I told the autowallah to take the shortcut but he said,"Madhum, pandu logon (traffic police) ne, no-yentry zhone bana daala hai." When did that 'change'? I reached my destination after shelling out more than half of what I used to pay before! Woes of an unemployed! After hearing (not listening) to what the doc had to say, I made a quick exit and decided to walk home...

I noticed then that the building I used to stay in previously had been brought down and in place of that a hotel was being constructed. I wondered, what would happen to the memories? Will they too be built upon? I had mixed feelings about that.

How much has changed? A lot. I have. Everyone and everything around me has. It hasn't stopped and it never will. Nothing is permanent only change. But is this change justified? I am forced to ask this question to you and myself.

Is it justified that alertness leads to plain ignorance and cold apathy when someone needs your help? Like in the case of the college going girl who confronted a jerk passing lewd remarks at her. Only to be hit by him and our "bhartiya naaris" at the station did nothing to help. Instead they said that it was the girl's fault because she stood up againgst him rather than shutting her mouth and not inviting trouble!! Opposing injustice is against our "sanskaars"!

Suit yourself I say. Don't regret the consequences later when it happens to you or your sister or daughter. As long as it does not happen to me why bother? As simple as that isn't it?

Is it justified that a government in the name of progress brings about 'change' at the cost of razing dwellings of the poor? Just to make Mumbai into a replica of another city? So much for originality! I thought plagiarism was strictly a Bollywood domain!

Change is an essential characteristic of Mother Nature too. She is tired of the same boring routine of limited seasons. So why not extend the snowfalls in Jammu and Kashmir at the cost of few hundred lives? Of course there is global warming to be blamed and guess what? There is no Mother Nature involved in it!! Just our need to 'change' to more comfortable lifestyles. So what if the ozone layer gets wiped out? Is all this metamorphosis justified?

Change is the only constant... at the cost of humanity. Do we really need this monotonous changing existence?

Think about it...

P.S: For Amma. Girl you know why I wasn't able to write this earlier.

Doedoe.

Mea Culpa

2005-03-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

You sat there, not meeting my eyes. I knew long before, what was coming. Don't take my silence for granted. I know much more than you can lie about.

I could not help smiling at you and the state that you were in. Smiling, so that I could control my tears. And to think that people smile 'cause they are happy. Never thought that emotions could change sides too. So much for politics of a relationship!

You said... you said many things, (always caught in the moment) that it was no one's fault particularly not mine. I could only manage a sneer. All of it sounded like a conversation out of a movie. Damn! They do have a real life touch to them after all, those multicrore-waste-of-reel-flicks!

It took you thirty minutes or perhaps more to finish a cup of filter coffee or was it just time dragging itself? Perhaps it knew this was the last time we would ever meet. I guess the coffee to have tasted bitter, especially on that day. I know you like your coffee with extra sugar in it. But I was glad it tasted so, if it had tasted bitter at all. Or was it you who was finding it hard to swallow?

We walked it out to the station. Your hand brushing mine occasionally. I fought the urge to hold your hand in mine, like we once used to... some days back. Funny, how every thing changes with a blink of an eye...

Love was a prostitute that day. Too cheap and too expensive.

We went our separate ways. Wanted to hug you but thought better of it. I guess I should have. Does not matter anymore. Never hugged anyone again.

For the first time I liked travelling at rush hour, with lots of high-pitched noises surrounding me. No one noticed. No one bothered. Thank God for jam-packed mercies.(Read virar locals). I wished the travel would have been longer than the usual one and a half hour but the railways were on time that rainy day. Good. At least somewhere, some place the 'timing' was right.

Reached home. Settled down after a quick shower and change of clothes. Somehow, I needed to wash away your touch, but it lingered. I hated it. It was all so surreal but then reality sometimes does camouflage itself. Fool that I am, I hoped against hope. I was not granted my wish. Only separation befriended me as a substitute for togetherness.

I slowly moved on with my life and I guess you did too. No there is no place for anyone in my life right now. Won't be for a long time to come. There is a nous why I am not looking back. I made a mistake, which I don't regret nor am proud of. I was in love. Love is a swear-word. Abused and cliched. I wish it were not used quite so often. Used only sparingly like an expensive fragrance or like a piece of bread, the only one left to survive on for the rest of the day...

Next time I shall remember to not repeat the mistake. To not fall in love...

Doedoe.

Another One Bites The Dust

2005-03-15T07:06:00.000-08:00

Better late than never! Gosh! I never thought, that I am gonna take such a drastic step and begin something as worthless as blogging!!
For all you know and don't know me: Me Doedoe. I am still struggling to become a "graduate". Hope that comes true in October. Pray for me. PPPllleeeeaaaaaassseeee!
Okay let's just forget about academics shall we? Starting with the basics: I am a happy-go-lucky 21yr "old". My interests in life are varied. When it comes to music, I am partial to rock music, kishoreda and hemant kumar's soulful melodies. Otherwise, anything goes. That includes- Mom dropping 'bartans' in the kitchen while I am concentrating on Karl Marx's theories! And, Oh yeah! When I really need a good sleep, Gappu (that's mah sister) provides me with free soundtracks of her snoring!! Life is Beautiful!
I am not much of a writer but I just have to pen down my thoughts, at times. Otherwise it gets really frustrating.
I like to read. Fiction does not move me. Reality does. Apart from a few exceptions I do not enjoy reading fiction.
When it comes to movies, I hate watching "weepy productions" a la Yash Raj Films and the likes. The very fact that the duration of a Bollywood flick gives me a "numb-ass syndrome" is enough for me to abstain from it!! Action films, thrillers, sci-fi, animation, comedies are my type of viewing provided that they don't cross the time limit of two and a half hours!!
Arrey! Main thing I forgot. FOOD!! I absolutely live to eat. One of the reasons why I am not asked out often! I enjoy "pigging out". That reminds me... There is this quaint little food joint at Colaba called Cafe Churchill; there's a dish named 'Pig's Delight' on the menu!! {Is Lent over yet?!!??}
As a person, I am 'pretty' much down-to-earth. But if I lose my cool then its pure hell! I am frank. I will tell it like it is with no qualms.
Okay, enough of me! It is time now for some acknowledgements to be made that helped me take my first step into blogworld!
Alphabetically... Saves me the trouble to answer waste-of-time questions like "why didn't you put my name first?" If only people would grow up! Never mind. Where was I?
Thanks a lot: Amma, Andy, Bura Dost, Debu, Dayan, Dee, Flow, Gappu, Nikhil, Reiya, Russ, T1, T2, Uma, Umat, Viggi, Will and of course My-oh-so-beloved-Professors-that-I-can-choke-your-necks!! And People I missed out on. Thanks. Hope to continue... Blogging that is!

Love and Laughter Always,
Doedoe.